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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has always been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and writers stay alert of notable bog-related stories and historic moments, notably connected to soccer. It was quite amusing to find out that an online journalist a famous broadcaster has a West Brom-themed urinal within his residence. Reflect for a moment for the Barnsley fan who interpreted the restroom somewhat too seriously, and needed rescuing from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and had lost his mobile phone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And nobody can overlook when, at the height of his fame playing for City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes in 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then entered and inquired where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century since Kevin Keegan stepped down as the England coach after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. According to Davies' personal account, FA Confidential, he entered the drenched beleaguered England dressing room immediately after the match, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams “fired up”, both players begging for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, saying quietly: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies worked frantically to save the circumstance.

“Where on earth could we find for confidential discussion?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The dressing room? Heaving with emotional players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Merely one possibility emerged. The toilet cubicles. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past took place in the vintage restrooms of a stadium facing demolition. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I shut the door behind us. We stayed there, eye to eye. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

And so, Keegan resigned, later admitting that he had found his stint as England manager “empty”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the deaf team, working with the ladies team. It’s a very difficult job.” Football in England has advanced considerably during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley toilets and those two towers have long disappeared, although a German now works in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year's international tournament: Three Lions supporters, appreciate this period. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments serves as a recall that situations weren't always this good.

Current Reports

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Quote of the Day

“We stood there in a lengthy line, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, elite athletes, role models, adults, parents, strong personalities with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We hardly glanced at one another, our looks wavered slightly nervously as we were summoned forward in pairs. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights in the school playground with kids he anticipated would defeat him. This self-punishing inclination must explain his option to move to Nottingham Forest. As a lifelong Spurs supporter I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award however the sole second-year prize I envision him securing along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|